Imagine I was touched on the shoulder with a weighty broadsword and declared Music Czar of Seattle. My initial fiats would be as follows:

1. ) If you didn’t come to listen to the band, then move to the back and make room for people who did. Respect the band. Repeated offenses and you’d be banned.

2.) And speaking of banned. Who brings a backpack to a show? If you’re in a crowd of people huddled around the stage – every time you spin around  – you’re sweeping people out of the way with your hump. Besides, what’s in that backpack? Backpacks are banned.

3.) You can never have enough cowbell.

4.) Ticketmaster will be hit with a processing fee, a convenience charge, a “lame excuse to double the cost of the ticket” surcharge and basically taxed into extinction.

5.) If there are five bands on the bill, the first band must start by 8:00 PM or earlier. Do the math. If the headliner doesn’t start until 12:30 AM, a lot of the crowd is going to miss the headliner. Double the fine for any all-ages shows that do this on a school night.

6.) If you love the band, make some noise.

7.) You can’t sell tickets to a festival until 95% of the bands are announced. I don’t know where I got that number. I’m just tired of lame TBD acts added to round out the line up.

8.) Venues must post start times for each band on their website.

9.) You must support local music.

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